Apostrophes and the Plural Noun

I recently read a menu that offered salad’s and topping’s, among other atrocities.  I was inclined to gag, but my friend calmly stated that I was the only one who cared.

As I sincerely hope that isn’t true, I will try to clarify the rules here.  Simply raise your right hand and repeat after me, “I will not use an apostrophe to make a plural noun.”

Apostrophes are for contractions (I’ve, you’re, can’t, etc.) or possessives (Bob’s house, Mary’s dog, and so on).  We have gotten in the habit of using them to make plurals of acronyms, though, like CD’s and DVD’s, and that has messed up our understanding of spelling rules that we had probably mastered by the fourth grade.

I contend that the practice of using apostrophes with acronyms is not necessary, since the acronym in capitals is clearly differentiated from the lower case s (CDs and DVDs).  The only time the apostrophe lends clarity to a plural is when one is talking about a single letter, as in more than one a or i.  A’s are something different from as, so we need a way to show that.  However, that is no excuse to see things like shirt’s, when we are referring to more than one shirt and not to something that belongs to a shirt!

Adults who probably never made this mistake when they were children are now trying to stick apostrophes in all kinds of words just because they end in an s.  Why?  It’s crazy!

[And there’s another one:  it’s is the contraction of “it is,” its is the possessive pronoun.]

I also notice this issue when it comes to referring to more than one member of the same family.  If you just want the plural without the possessive, there is no apostrophe.

Harry Potter’s relatives are the Dursleys.

If you need the plural and the possessive both, then the apostrophe goes on the outside.

The Dursleys’ house is number four, Privet Drive.

If you’re just talking about one person and his belongings, then you can put the apostrophe before the s.

Vernon Dursley’s car is brand new.

If the family name happens to end with an s already, then it gets a little more complicated, but you still don’t need an apostrophe unless something belongs to them.  I have read more Harry Potter fans writing about the Dursley’s, when they mean the whole family, than I can count.  I just want it to stop!

To make a plural noun, there are a number of spelling rules you have to remember:  add s or es, change f to v, change y to i (if the y is preceded by a consonant), not to mention all those irregular plurals (men, sheep, children, etc.).  However, none of them (with the lone exception of single letters) requires the use of any apostrophes!  End of rant.